The Great Indian Cooking Disaster

15 th April , 1912 : The Titanic Sinks

3rd December 1984 : Bhopal Gas Tragedy

23rd July 1973 : Himesh Reshammiya is born

29th June 2007 : Himesh Reshammiya debuts as an actor with Aap Ka Surrooor.

9th May 2008 : Mimoh debuts as an actor with Jimmy

And now its time to update this list of all time disasters.

11th May 2008 : Me and my room-mates decide to wake up the Sanjeev Kapoor sleeping within us and decide to exploit our culinary skills.

To all the ladies and a few men, who have ever managed to cook anything eatable in their entire lifetime, hats off to you all. One attempt at cooking and I have realised cracking CAT or I.I.T. JEE seems a lot more easier. And no kidding here.

Equipped with a lot of enthusiasm and optimistic of giving the Sanjeev Kapoors and the Tarla Dalal’s of the world a run for their money, I and my room mates decided to don the chef’s hat.

My grand-mom is the world’s best cook, mom cooks pretty well, and dad also does manage to cook well when he does decide to cook. So guess genetically ( if there are cooking genes) I was pretty much equipped to be a fine cook. So no more waitin, Sanjeev Kapoor was all set to wakeup from his slumber.

Bhendi ki Sabji, Soya beans Masala Gravy, Bundi Raita was what we intended to cook but ask my digestive system and you are sure to get way different answers. I really love spicy food but after having a bit of what we cooked yesterday, it will be good bye to spicy and masaledar food for a while(like for some centuries). Not paying heed to my friend who claimed to have some previous cooking experience, I went on adding scoops of chilli powder to every dish that was burning (cann’t use the term cooking here) on the gas stove. While she prayed for me to stop my experimentation and rest and watch IPL instead, I insisted on being innovative. Something in me said that adding Dominos chilli flakes and Dominos organic seasonings would surely give the food a different taste. It gave it a different taste alright, but it no longer remained food. And the moment I added Tropicana Apple Juice to the soya bean gravy, she gave up providing help with the food. So it was just the food at the mercy of me and my room mates innovation and experimentation.

After about two hours of experimentation with the food. The “so called food” was ready. Cooking reminded me of my Chemistry practical sessions where we mindlessly used to mix up chemicals just to see what combination would be produced. The only difference was the experimentations at the laboratory resulted in me almost losing one of my eyes and the expire – mentations in the kitchen resulted in all of us getting a bad stomach ache and losing the desire of ever having or cooking food again.

Here’s a look at what we prepared. It might look alright, but ask our angry bowels who are right now firing all kinds of expletives (arreey no need of opening up the dictionary : it just a nice way of saying maa behen ki gaaliyaan) at me and my room mates and you shall get pretty much disgusting answers.

We did have a lot of fun trying our hands at cooking. But too much of such kind of fun is sure to land us in one of those stinky little dingy Government hospitals. New Year’s long gone. But it’s time to make a resolution. I promise to give the Sanjeev Kapoor in me a thousand sleeping pills so that he goes into a long long coma. Goodnight Mr. Sanjeev Kapoor.

That’s all for now. Have to now decide what has to be done of the entire grocery store that my roomie picked up , thinking that cooking was going to be a regular feature in our lives. At the moment though challenging  the Great Indian Mahabali Khali  for a fight seems to be a better option than our experiments with cooking. So any of you who needs some extra vegetables or masala’s just pop in and we will be pleased to give it all away to you.

Sorry Note : Am really sorry to my digestive system for having to digest the rubbish that we cooked up, the sweet friend of mine who I invited over for dinner and made her eat all that bakwaas (I did make her laugh a lot though if that’s any compensation), the stray dogs who are right now eating a cocktail of all the things(cann’t call it food) we dumped in the nearby dustbin, and my servant who almost died of a shock seeing the mess we had made in the kitchen.

Sorry all of you. Sanjeev Kapoor is now in deep sleep. Infact he is snoring. Wait a sec, I guess it’s my stomach growling. Have to rush somewhere now. Here’s taking your leave.